In my own skin

September 14, 2011

First Birthday

In a few weeks my little guy will be turning two. That means I will have been a mother for a whole two years – and while that is not a very long time in the grand scheme of things or in the eyes of many experienced, veteran parents, in my world this is a very long time. Many changes have happened since that early fall day when they put the little hairy guy on my chest – he looked at me, I looked at him and wondered,  who are you and now, who am I?

In the last few days he has changed once more, from easy going to a full blown two year old toddler. He suddenly has an opinion and an attitude about just about everything. Once a fantastic (and enviable) sleeper, he no longer agrees to sleeping without some assistance. To say my patience has been stressed to the limit is an understatement. And yet, as this new challenge arises and my parenting knowledge changes and adapts once more feel more comfortable listening to him and myself.

As an early parent I read the books, I read the websites, the blogs and the pamphlets. I read anything and everything I could get my hands on just to be able to “learn” how to parent. I had no clue what I was doing. Frightened with this tiny child who depended on me for everything, I cried and cried as he refused to breastfeed, as he slept more than he should have,as he got colicky, constipated, and as he got ear infection after ear infection. I looked for answers anywhere – except where the voice was loudest, in my own head and heart. In the last two years I have learned to listen to my own voice, my own mothering instinct and knowledge and learned to trust both him and myself.

By trusting him I have seen him tell me what he needs and wants. He tells me his moods, his attitudes and what he needs most from me as the days go by. This child is most capable to sharing his needs and his mood swings, and when I don’t listen and pay attention is when I pay for it. By trusting me I have learned to feel comfortable in my own skin, to trust myself and what I think is right and wrong. I listen and adapt our lives to what fits him.

It was that voice who told me that he would eventually gain weight.

It was that voice who told me to rock him to sleep when he cried night after night.

It was that voice who told me that while my family all thought he was fine, he was indeed very ill on an out of state trip and need to see a doctor.

And it was that voice that told me that this little almost two year old needs a little comforting from his Mommy, a little extra love and kindness as he rushes toward independence at a breakneck speed. I am beginning to like the sound of that voice.


One Response to “In my own skin”

  1. Rudie Watzig Says:

    Great post sweetie!

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