Hard days

July 17, 2014

As a stay at home mom of two with another one the way, sometimes my patience is spread terribly thin. There are days like yesterday: my head is throbbing, my belly aching and both boys very tired and emotional when things end up less than ideal.

It was late afternoon and I attempted a trip to the library for a juggling show. The bigger child enjoyed it greatly, but the two year old was ready for a nap and began rolling, kicking and acting up. We lasted 30 minutes before I was done wrangling and my patience ran out. So home we went, ready for naps. I asked everyone to nap just so I could sleep, being five months pregnant with a tummy ache made for a very tired mommy. And so, we tried, and my four year old have it a good shot. But as I fell asleep he came in asking to read stories and I lost it. Much like a toddler who loses it completely, I started crying and being mean. Why would you want a story right now when Mom is exhausted? How could you ask?

And as expected, he went to his room, shunned by his mom, and cried. And my heart sunk and I felt like the worst mother ever.

I called him to me and apologized, grabbed books and we cuddled and did stories.

But the pain of my reaction stuck with me all afternoon and my guilt grew. I felt terrible and as I unloaded on my Husband that evening, he helped me realize that the kids were fine, the moment passed and everything would be well tomorrow.
All of us have bad days, moments when we lose it and just cannot be selfless anymore. I feel as society expects us to be super humans, super mothers who dress fabulously, bake, craft, create and have beautiful, well behaved children who are prefect stimulated and socialized. This is just not humanly possible. And, as moms we deserve a bit if grace to forgive ourselves for being human. Because being mom, whether stay at home, working, single, gay, straight or married is a ROUGH job. It is hours of endless selflessness, love and patience that sometimes just takes a toll on our minds and hearts. And everyone makes mistakes, even when that means momentarily hurting your kids’ feelings in a weak instance.


On going out…

January 31, 2014

Recently, a friend asked the question if something was wrong with her because she chose not to go out with her friends for outings.

Now this is something I have struggled with incredibly. I see the expectations everywhere – moms are expected to go out for drinks or girls nights, craft nights, shopping, lunches, dinners or spa days in order to recharge and get away from the families. Especially with social media giving such accessibility to see friends at dances, parties, bars, and concerts. I know Mothers who go away on weekend getaways with friends, leaving the children at home. They drink, dance, relax, enjoy, dine. Now you have to understand what I mean by DINE – as a parent you find yourself eating often enough but when was the last time you truly DINED? (Hmm, this might need to be a whole other post.)

To say the little green eyed monster has never tapped my shoulder over these excursions would be completely lying to you. I am jealous. Jealous of the time, the relaxation, the beautiful people and places my friends get to go. I’m jealous of the laughter and jokes, the dressing up, the FUN of it all – just plain ole jealousy that goes to the core. But what I’m most jealous of is the ability to let go.

Now let me explain – I am far from a perfectionist who needs things done a certain way. If you’ve ever entered my home you know that generally there is a mess somewhere, if not everywhere, there are cluttered countertops, Legos strewn everywhere and enough dog hair to make a Shih Tzu. I am just fine with the messes and clutter, in fact I rather we have a good time that worry about making a mess. Messes can be cleaned up and fixed but moments and memories cannot. What I have a hard time letting go of is my family. When I go out, I end up being tired and worn out the next day, regardless of the fun I had. I just can’t manage the exhaustion. I’m not sure if other children are easier on their parents, or if my tolerance for boy-dom is painfully low but some days it takes every ounce of my being to handle my boys. And going out zaps me of whatever extra ounces I might have had reserved for a rough night, a hard day or just an illness.

Is this terrible? Shouldn’t I be DYING to get out of the house without my troop; running to get out with the girls and chit chat about the world? Shouldn’t I be excited and counting down the minutes to the next happy hour and dolling myself up for the sake of going out? The world seems to think I should be, but I’m not terribly sure.

See, I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to be home with your family. I spent a some time falling in love with this man, making a home and dreaming of the babies that would eventually come. This home, these people – no matter how big or little – are part of my fiber of being. When I leave without them, I feel naked. And the thing is, and this is the kicker, I feel seriously guilty for feeling lost without them. But what is it about not wishing to go out and join the world at girls’ night that is so wrong? Why is this seen as being a “missing out” moment? In my opinion, these years are so short – so fleeting. Is it so terrible to want to be nowhere else but home?

My world is slightly overwhelming and I feel I give everything to keep this going – to be the best version I can be to my boys and husband even when I am feeling far from it. It’s not that I don’t enjoy a girls night out, but rather that I have such a hard time catching up after going out. Maybe as the time goes by I’ll find a better balance in this subject, but for now, I’m happy with my focus on home.

Cleaning up

December 21, 2013


We have had a doozy of a belly bug around here the last few days. Beginning on Tuesday eve, Big kiddo began to feel crummy and so it all went downhill.
Now there is being under the weather and then is being under the weather with small rambunctious boys. My idea of being sick is curled up in bed peacefully sleeping, or on the couch knitting. Yeah, this is not my reality anymore. Hubby and I took turns on who was sicker to manage the boys while the other slept – and let me tell you – it was rough!!

Once everyone, ahem me, was feeling better it was time for some cleaning. Time for a new batch of Healing Oil, some air purification and some serious dishes.


I love this healing oil recipe – its somewhat similar to the popular Thieve’s Oil but adjusted for our life and purpose. I use this for air purifying by adding a few drops to a small simmering pot of water and letting it go for 30 minutes or so. I also rub a diluted version on my and my kids feet to help colds and bugs. I love this stuff!!

Here is my formula for Healing Oil
1Tbsp clove essential oil
1Tbsp bitter orange essential oil
2.5 tsp cinnamon essential oil
2 tsp eucalyptus essential oil
2 tsp rosemary essential oil
Carrier oil of choice : I love sweet almond oil for this

Mix all oils together and place in small dark colored glass bottles. I like to keep one diluted by 50% and one bottle pure. Just remember that some of these oils are hot on the skin and will warm up little bodies. Dilute by 75% for small kids.

Wishing health and light for you all this winter day!!

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