:: Happy::

It appears that June gloom has arrived both figuratively and literally around these parts. So much bad or unhappy news has been handed around that we need a cheer up!  In an effort to bring some sunniness back into our days and hearts, I have decided to share a list of things that are making me happy right now.

Sweet pea dish towels: yes, they are dish towels and used for drying or wiping or cleaning up spills – but they have peas! Also, they are so sweet and fresh and happy.

Momma friends that are always a phone or text message away. No matter the time, day or event, we always have a chance to laugh or cry over what life hands us.

 

The rocking St. Bernard: this was a gift from Gerhard’s grandma before he was born and I have to smile every time I pass it in the nursery.  Gerhard loves to rock on it, pet it, use his brush to comb its hair. It is made of sheepskin – so soft! Another lovely tidbit is the fact that our Lab, Lucy, has fallen for this giant dog and likes to lay at its feet and snooze. Love.

Nutella faced little boys.

Last fall, a Momma pal made me this lovely crocheted hat and I have loved it ever since. It is soft, well fitting and adorable and on those days when Momma has not had a chance to shower, wash her hair, breathe, etc. it serves its purpose: it makes me look great!!!

New books!! And whats better than new books? New crafting books! And want to know what’s better than new crafting books?? New crafting books purchased at a FANTASTIC deal! I know!

I had checked out all of these titles from our library at some point or another and coveted each one. They were on my list of “eventually, when the budget allows” items to get for myself – until I found them at a killer, killer deal. Yes, so killer that I don’t mind sharing that I paid $15.90 for all of them. ALL of THEM. Five books that I wanted SO badly. Happiness.

That’s the list for today, but I have more, oh yes, I have so much more! There is much happiness to be found around this house if you really look around.

And then there were…

 

 

Just us.

It appears that in this difficult time this little family has come together. Gerhard has been a gem, a sweet, lovable little boy who curls up on Momma’s lap and wants to love.

This Momma seems to be giving herself a break. A break from life, from stress, from running around and doing things she does not like (except the whole cleaning the bathroom thing. It seems I need to do that whether I enjoy it or not.) So I plan on some sewing, some creating, some knitting and playing and baking. Some time for heart healing and soul mending.

For even though we only the idea of a second little, it was very real for those few days. So real, in fact, that a brief mourning period is called for and much needed. Sometimes, it is the time after the shock that means the most, the time to really realize what a miracle and joy life is, a moment to realize just what means the most to each one of us.

 

 

 

On pins and needles…

 

What a difference a week makes.  Two weeks ago, I was a Momma of one. I went about my business, gardening, growing, canning, preserving, and doing what we do around this little house. Two weeks ago, I was blissfully unaware.

Then, one week ago I found out that even if the second line is barely there, it is still there. It is. Believe me, I argued this point over and over again. It is there and suddenly three became four. Visions and dreams of brothers, bunk beds, family hiking trips and “Momma, he’s touching me!” came to mind.  Visions of a little sister, bows, ribbons, dresses and cute baby knitting. Visions of a baby, of a new tiny darling baby, daydreams of babyhood and what a great brother G would be.

Then this weekend, things did not go smoothly.  I won’t be dramatic and say that things went wrong they just went differently. Differently than last time, differently than expected. I did not think your heart could break so quickly, over something you have never known. Something so unassuming, so unexpected.

So now we sit, on baited breath, and wait.

I believe the waiting might be the hardest part. Are we or aren’t we?

Bittersweet…

In a week or so, a dear friend and crafty Momma will be moving to a far, far away land. By far away I mean FAR away – much farther than is negotiable in a “hey, let’s go visit!” kinda way. She and her family have been methodically getting rid of almost everything in their home, leaving just what they can easily travel with to their new home.

Sadness doesn’t begin to explain my feelings at this move, she is a crafter, a sewer and one of the few friends who really *got* my love of making stuff.  In the process of gutting a household she gifted me a stash of fabric – a lovely, wonderful stash of flannels and cottons and brocades.

Sadness and joy – sadness of losing my friend to distance and joy at a wonderful stash of fabric. I cannot wait to make something with it to send to her, something to make her new home a little cozier, a little warmer and feel a little bit more like home.

So today, I have no photos for you. I have not had a chance to process it all and will get one to you all in the near future.

Bittersweet, I tell you.

20 months and counting…

With my little guy is 20 months this week and I am feeling amazed at how the time flies. This little guy who started out as a little nugget of wiggles and meows now talks and runs, climbs and laughs, jumps, bounces and is hilarious.

What really amazes me is how far this Momma has come. Some Mothers are made the second the line turns blue, some are made the first time the little one is placed in their arms. Some Momma’s are born knowing what kind of parent they wish to be ~ whether natural parenting, caring, doting or maybe more strict. Regardless, many Momma’s I know knew what kind of parents they wished to be and managed to fulfill these dreams from the start.

I did not.

I was thrilled to become a parent. There was nothing I wanted more than to become a Mommy. But once the little guy arrived and they placed him in my arms, all my confidence and ideas of parenthood went out the window. I suddenly found myself lost and confused as to what sort of parent I wanted to be.

As I went to my Mommy groups and met other parents I gathered information and ideas from them – I tried on different hats and attempts at parenting.

After 20 months of parenting I can finally say that I feel comfortable in my own skin. Finally feel comfortable parenting in my own way with my own ideas and just the way I feel is right for our family. And, for someone who is rather uncertain about themselves and has spent so many years searching for her own place in the world, this is a huge accomplishment.